Monday, March 25, 2013
I wish I could tell my mother.
"I wish I could tell my mother" is a thought that runs through my mind constantly. Most of you know why I cant tell my mother about my abuse. I wish I would have had the courage when I was younger to tell her and now it's too late. The reason why its too late is because she suffers from heart problems now and she cant be put through a lot of stress. She only knows about the my uncle molesting me but not about her husband molesting me. Its hard when I am talking to her. I wish I could tell her but I know it will hurt her because she loves this man like crazy. I know its crazy to hear this but if I were to tell her I know it would be my fault if something ends up happening to her. I don't want the blame on me. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I would kill myself if something happens to her if I did tell her. I wouldn't be able to handle that at all. I guess this is something that I am going to have to deal with on my own. It sucks not being able to have your mother to talk to. A mother is suppose to be there no matter what. A mother is suppose to help you and protect you from harm. But instead my mother doesn't. She says with a man who is a child molester. She is just as guilty as he is. Some times I wish I was adopted and raised in another family. Maybe things could have been better. Don't get me wrong. I do have a good relationship with my mother but I wish I could just tell her and let it out. That is my biggest burden that I have on my shoulders now. I have all that weight on me and I wish I could just release it. But even though I cant I know I will still heal. I know I am getting closer to it so I will be ok.
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My dad tried to rape my sister & me on numerous occasions. He never succeeded, but the fear and anxiety that we endured was terrible. We never knew when it was safe to go home. At the age of 15 I finally informed my Mother, she did nothing, she always allowed him to return home. They have both since passed, I have always felt like she loved dad more than her children. I wrote a book, Two Sisters by Arial Green, I used a pen name. It is a true story about the life of my sister and me, from birth throughout adulthood. We married men that were abusive in my case, in hers , her spouse was mentally sick. He was bi-polar. He murdered her at the age of 40. I suffered severe major depression for two years after her death.
ReplyDeleteWow I am so sorry to hear what happened to you and your sister. That must have been so devastating. I cant image losing my sister like that. I was molested by my stepfather and so was my older sister. When my older sister told our mother, she didnt believe her which is one of the reasons why I never told my mother that he did the same to me. I was also molested by my uncle who was living with us at the time. I told my mother about him and she kicked him out. But when the family found out about it my mother stopped believing in me. I wish I could her now but its too late. She has a heart condition and she cant be put through so much stress. I know she will try to kill him if she found out. Plus I dont want to feel guilty if something happens to her. I would kill myself if I lose her. I may have my issues with my mother right now but she is still my mother. I know I will be ok because I have so much support from my twitter family. Thank you for your comment.
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