One Bad Memory

As you all know from my old blog and from my last post, I wrote about my story. I was a sexually abused when I was younger by an uncle and my stepdad. The abuse with my uncle was bad but what I went through with my stepdad was the worse. I felt paralyzed when everything was happening.........

I am not going to go through the whole thing because I have explained it before in my old blog. Its not that I am not healed or anything. I am still in the healing process. Its just one memory that I cant get out of my head.......

I DO WANT TO SAY THAT I HOPE WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY WILL NOT CAUSE ANYONE TO GET ANY TRIGGERS AND PLEASE BE CAREFUL......

The one memory that is hard to get rid of is the one with my stepdad. One day he followed me in to the room. He then pinned me against the wall. He held me and started moving his body back and forth as though we wanted to have sex with me. It felt that way. Til this day I am not sure if that is considered rape. I was molested I know that much. But raped, I dont think so.

This is one memory that I seem I can't get rid of. Everything else I can block it and not think about it but its just this one that seems to keep coming. As much as I try to erase it, it doesn't want to go. That is the only thing that I am still struggling with. I wish I could get rid of that memory. I hope one day I will be able to get rid of it. I know I am healing. I am not ashamed to talk about what I went through. I just have a hard time talking about that certain part of my abuse. I haven't gotten the proper counselor for this. I never went to counseling for this. But I know in time I will be ok.