Lately some things on twitter had me thinking about my life and the abuse I went through. I know most of you know about what I went through because of my other blog. For those who do not know I was molested by an uncle and stepfather. My stepfather was the worse abuse. The one thing I can't get over is what he did when he followed me into my room. He held me against the wall and moved his body back and forth like he was having sex with me. So in ways it feels like I was raped.........
The thing is that I was just molested and violated. My body deceived me because it enjoyed what was being done to it. I still feel disgusted with myself. I know it wasn't my fault but in ways I feel like it is. As an adult when I was still living at home I let him touch me still. I tried to hide what he had done to me. I let him rub my feet and my back when I got home from work. What was wrong with me? That's not right. I didn't want to accept the fact that I was abused by him. I hide the memories. I pretended that it didn't happen.......
So my question is Do I have the right to complain and share my story? Can I help someone with what I been through...........
Sometimes I feel like what I went through isn't bad as what others went through. Others have been through worse but I know trauma is trauma. But its a struggle I deal with every now and then.
The answer to your question is YES!!! OMG what you went through! And yes, by breaking your silence you are helping other people!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Yes I been through alot. Its hard but I know I will be ok. Its something I struggle with. But I know I am helping people.
ReplyDeleteTara: a child or an adult you WERE violated. It is abuse and the abuser is totally at fault. No child invites sexual advances. They are only children! Take care
ReplyDeleteThank you. I know I was violated. This is something that I struggle with constantly. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be complaining because people had it worse but I know that its still abuse. Thank you for your kind words.
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