If you have read my previous post, you will know that I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I was molested when I was younger by my stepfather. I was around the age of 11 or 12. I cannot remember exactly how old I was when it started. I have blocked so many memories from my past. I only remember some things that were actually okay in my life. Last week, my mother called to tell me that she is separating from my stepfather of being with him for 30 years or so. So I finally got the courage to tell my mother what her husband did to me when I was younger. The only respond I got from her was an "oh wow', then she continued to talk about whatever it was that we were talking about before. It was not the reaction that I had I was hoping for. I thought she would have reacted differently. I was so broken hearted after hearing her response. After I hung up the phone, I just kept crying. It was really hard. Thankfully my son was taking his nap at the time. He is such a sweet kid and cries when he sees someone else crying. I didn't want him to see my in such pain. I was really depressed the next day. I did not want to do anything at all. I had no energy to deal with the day ahead but I had to because I have a 3 year old and my husband was at work. I had to pull myself together for my son. It is not easy telling my mother. I held in that secret for 20 years. That is very hard to do. It was really hard. I am still hurt and it's been a week. It is not something you can get over quickly. No one knows how the victims feels. To be honest, I do not feel any different than I felt before. I thought that after I told her, I would feel the weight lifted off my shoulders but it did nothing. I am not sure if it is because of how she reacted or something else. All I know is that it made me feel worse. I wish I had a mother like my mother in law. I called her after I had hung up the phone and she is the best mother I can ask for. So, that is it for now. I told my mother and now it is out there. Even though it took me so long to tell her, I finally did. It is never too late to say something.
